ELEMENTAL DARKNESS
by killercroc
Summary: Sequel to NOLIFE QUEEN AND THE DEMON NINJA, I'd recommend reading that before this. Not much else to really say, Naruto and Morgana decide to go back to the Elemental Nations and pick up where Naruto left off, just, you know, as they are now. I really recommend reading the sequel first...go read it.
1. I'M BACK AND I BROUGHT MY WIFE

Alright, yes I know it's been a while but I needed to give people time to vote and my parents took away my computer for the summer because a month long project for one of my classes was worth only 20 points. If I had known that it was worth a small quiz then I would have focused on a few missing assignments instead and passed the damn class.

Another thing, in NOLIFE QUEEN AND THE DEMON NINJA a couple people asked me how a female Alucard still turned Seras. The answer to that is Alucard possesses several powers that normal vampires don't and, for the sake of the story, and because I think the crap that Seras gets into is hilarious, I made it so Morgana can change anyone, as long as they were a virgin.

Also, I don't do the suffix thing, I don't have anything against it I just don't have the kinda attention span needed to not fuck it up somehow. The most I'll do is sensei if for no other reason other than it sounds better than teacher.

On another note a couple people have asked me where I got all of the jokes and things from and the answer? Myself. I am just that much of a smartass. Does my constant joking piss people off sometimes? Yes, yes it does. But it's like I always say, better to be a smartass then a dumbass.

Anyway, here is the sequal to NOLIFE QUEEN AND THE DEMON NINJA, ELEMENTAL DARKNESS.

Just for the record this is gonna be Naruto and Morgana just trouncing everybody that pisses them off. Why, because I can work in humor and sheer what-the-fuck-ness and because I can't make fight scenes so I gotta make up for it somewhere.

Disclaimer, I don't own any characters other than anything I myself come up with, like Morgana and Naruto's kid...or any character not in canon or in a movie special.

...  
...

It had been four months since Millenium was ended and it was the very definition of slow. There had only been one vampire attack in the entire time and that was the first day Naruto and Morgana woke up...and the exitement of it was ruined when Morgana had another battle with morning sickness...all over the vampire's armless and legless, but still possessing the head and very much alive...sorta, body. The only thing that really happened around the place anymore was when one of two things happened. One, when Seras and Pip would come asking Naruto for combat training, because goof or not, he still was a monster, both metiphorically and literally,  
when it came to fighting. Usually it was just Pip these days since Seras had taken it upon herself to help Morgana with varias things, who's stomach had a small curve to show she was pregnant. Or two, when Morgana had some hormonally charged mood swings, in which case only Naruto could calm her down, and, to his credit, quickly at that.(props for doing what, I'm sure, every father to be wishes they could do, calm their emotionally enraged wife)

Integra was, for the first time in a while, confused. "So, you're saying that with the energy from your universe acting almost like...well jumper cables, you can make it back to your own universe? And that energy is from that necklace we found on you" She adopted a sheepish look. "and forgot to give back?"

Naruto grinned, "Yep, I figure if we both exist everywhere and nowhere then all we need to do is find a way to feel for the chakra from back home. Besides, almost all of the vampire attacks where caused by Millenium and, with them dead and Anderson staying and working at the Hellsing organization, not to mention both Pip and Seras working here you don't exactly need us anymore."

Morgana stepped forward, "On top of that, if all goes well it isn't like we'll be able to go freely back and forth." She frowned and turned to Naruto. "I still don't know why you would want to go back to a place that would harm you almost daily."

Naruto gave her a small grin, "True, but there are still some people who were nice to me, like the Ichiraku family, my old academy teacher Iruka and, even though they left me there and I'm gonna annoy the hell outta them until the day they die for it, my godparents." Naruto saw she was still unconvinced. "Not to mention the fact that we get to screw with the people who made my life miserible in the first place."

Now THAT, THAT brought a smile to Morgana's face. "Alright, that I'm alright with. So when do we leave?"

Integra interrupted, "HOLD ON! There's still something that needs to be done." She went over to a wall and removed a painting revealing a plaster wall. Using her monster of god tendrils she impaled the wall in a square pattern and tore it off, revealing a brick wall. She pushed one brick in revealing a safe with genetic locks.  
Opening those she revealed why this safe was so well hidden. In it contained a bloody stake, the very stake the Integra's ancestor used to pierce Morgana's, or at the time Dracula's(male form) heart. It also contained his ashes, his overcoat and, most valuable of all, his work on the cromwell initiative.

Integra took the notes one the cromwell out, "Abraham Van Hellsing made the cromwell initiative but he also made a way to release the servitude aspect of it on the off chance someone found it and used it on an innocent." She took Morgana's hand and added a few symbols to her gloves that she couldn't take off. When she was done she pulled away, never letting go of the gloves, revealing that now they could come off.

Morgana's and Naruto's eyes went wide while Integra began talking with a smile on her face, "Now Morgana, you have the power seal on you so you aren't at full power every second but you can release all your power whenever you want and you are no longer bound to my family."

Morgana, after getting over her shock, walked over to Integra and hugged her, getting wide eyes from everybody, "No, I'm still bound to you family, just in a different way now." She pulled away. "We'll find time to visit you, I promise."

Integra looked over to Naruto to see him nodding. She smiled sadly, knowing her two good friends are about to leave, "Alright, but you better go and tell everybody so they don't start wondering where you went."

Naruto and Morgana nodded and walked to the training ground where Anderson was teaching Pip some basic swordsmanship while Seras was surrounded by punching bags, trying to get her darkness to hit every one of them at once. Naruto shouted, "HEY" getting everybodies attention. They all walked over so Naruto could explain the situation, "Well, me and Morgana where gonna go to where I grew up and see some of my old...acquintances. Now don't worry" He had to say that quickly because he saw them about to protest. "We're still gonna come back often so it isn't like we'll be gone forever. Plus, I want a little payback to all the people who made my life hell, and what better way than not only showing that I can take down their entire nation, but that I'm also gonna be a father to a badass kid." He said with a look that said he was sure of it and that it was partially meant to be a joke, while Morgana gave a small amused grin while rolling her eyes.

Suddenly Naruto apeared in front of Morgana and proceeded to suck the breath out of her lungs...or would have if she didn't try just as hard. "Not to mention I have the sexiest wife anybody has ever and will ever see." This time there was a small joking tone but also he clearly thought he was absolutly right...and only one or two people anywhere would argue with him.

Morgana, although amused by her husbands usual way of thinking and his antics, suddenly became serious...well, serious for her, "Seras, while we're gone you can use the dungeon if you feel like. I know you and Pip are confertable where you are and the sun doesn't affect you but darkness is still a vampires domain." Seras smiled and hugged her, an unspoken goodbye really. She turned to Anderson, "Anderson...you're one crazy son of a bitch and I'm gonna miss being able to have spars every once in a while." The entire thing was said with a shark-like grin. She always did seem to enjoy it more than everybody else when her and Naruto fought Pip and Seras or Anderson and Integra.

Naruto's good bye was a little more...eccentric, "Alright you two, while we're gone, I expect you two to be on your best behaviour. Meaning that you Pip, don't get to play grab-ass with Seras during meetings and you need to sleep in the dungeon so you two don't keep the entire Manor up with the noise you two make." He turned to Anderson leaving Pip and Seras slackjawed, wide-eyed, and both redder than a chilly pepper. Anderson almost ran away because he knew something like that was gonna happen to him, "Anderson" He braced himself for the embaresment, but all Naruto did was put a hand on his shoulder, "It's been a wild ride and you've been a good friend. Take care of yourself and Integra." Anderson smiled, happy with the goodbye but Pip suddenly spoke up, "HEY, HOW COME HE DIDN'T GET EMBARESSED LIKE US!?"

Naruto looked at him like he asked the stupidest question ever, "Because, Integra isn't here to embaress them as a couple, you two were." He began walking away before stopping and looking over his shoulder with a smile on his face, "By the way, I hope that all our kids can become playmates sometime down the road, it'll be nice if they were all friends like their parents." Then he faced forward and kept walking, or he would have if Integra didn't walk out, necklace in hand.

She handed Naruto the necklace who put it, "Well, I guess this is goodbye for now isn't it." She turned to a smiling Morgana, "You better come back with something interesting, god knows it's going to be quite around here with you two gone."

Morgana offered her a smile of her own and put a hand on her slightly swollen midsection, "Oh, there will be something."

Integra immediatly got the meaning and had a look of dissapointment, "You aren't coming back for a while, are you? I guess I shouldn't be suprised, whenever you two do something, you have to over do it."

Naruto chuckled a little, "True but we also wanted to ask you something before we left." His face became slightly serious, "On the off chance that something happens to any of us we wanted to make sure there will always be someone to look after our kid so we were wondering if you two" He pointed at Integra and Anderson "would be the kids godparents and you two" he pointed at Seras and Pip "would be the kids godsister and and godbrother."

Anderson stepped forward with a smile of his own and summed up everyone's thoughts with one sentance, "You didn't even need to ask."

Naruto and Anderson shared a hug that only good old friends can and Anderson stepped back. Morgana took Naruto's hand and Naruto said, "Well, here goes nothing." And like that they were gone, simply vanished.

...  
...

And they showed up at the exact time that Naruto was first sucked through the dimensional tear. Young Naruto still went through, that was kinda needed but right before the dumbass went through Naruto grabbed Sasuke.

Morgana was kinda confused at that, "I thought he helped make your life more difficult, why save him?"

Naruto grinned, "Simple really, just to screw with the idiot." He adopted a more serious look. "Also, if worse comes to worse and they don't believe me we can use him as a bargaining chip to get into the village." He slung the unnconcious moron over his shoulder and motioned for his wife to follow

Morgana just nodded, seeing the point now.

They began making their way to Konoha, Naruto talking about all they're gonna have to do. "First, we gotta get some ramen, I don't think you've ever had any and Ichiraku has the best. Then we gotta go to the Hokage monument, it's got the greatest view from the top." This went on and on...and on until they finally reached the entrance. Waiting for them...well mostly Naruto, the really didn't expect Morgana, was the entire village.

The first to meet them was, of course the Uchiha's number one stalker bitc- I mean fangirl, screecher and all around assaulter of ear-drums. "What did you do to Sasuke you freaks!?"

Naruto, more annoyed that she was talking to both of them instead of just him, shouted back, adding his sharp teeth for dramatic effect, "WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING BUT IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP I'LL HANG YOU WITH YOUR OWN INNARDS. WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST TIME I'VE DONE IT AND I DON'T THINK IT'LL BE THE LAST!"

sakura didn't know wheather she should crap her pants, piss her pants, or puke, so she did all three.

Tsunade, in an effert to prevent one of her ninja from dying, even if Sakura didn't deserve the title, and to try to figure out what was going on, suddenly spoke up in an authoritive voice, "Alright who are you and why do you have one of my ninja on your back?" She suddenly narrowed her eyes. "And where is the blond haired boy that was with him?"

Naruto was about to answer when he was suddenly tackled. He looked down and saw Konohamaru looking up at him with stars in his eyes, "Boss, what happened to you!? Why do you have silver hair!? How'd you get so much taller!? You look like such a badass!" He suddenly looked over at Morgana, stared for a few seconds, turned back, and began having the spaz attack all over again, "AND YOU GOT A HOT BABE FOR A GIRLFRIEND! YOU ARE MY HERO EVEN MORE THAN EVER NOW BOSS!" Then he began squeezing him in as tight a hug as he could.

Naruto looked towards everybody else with a grin, "Now why is it that Konohamaru is the only one that recognized me?" He suddenly placed a hand over his heart. "You wound me, each and every one of you."

Needless to say, everyone was shocked. Here was the demon/loser/idiot, and he's suddenly some silver haired, seven foot, smartass powerhouse!? They knew he had to be strong, it was easy enough to see his muscles from under the t-shirt he was wearing.

Kiba, who Tsunade had already treated and was allowed out on crutches, suddenly piped up, "Ya right you moron, you can't be Naruto. Naruto is head over heals for Sakura. I suppose next you're gonna tell us you're married to the busty raven-haired chick is your wife."

Naruto and Morgana looked at eachother for a second before lifting their left hands, showing their wedding rings to everybody.

Many things happened, Kiba's jaw suddenly sunk so far into the ground he hit oil, it was later discovered that the moron just hit an oil pipe. Tsunade's eyes widened,  
not from the fact that Naruto got married or the fact that she suddenly realised that THIS WAS Naruto, no it was the simple fact that someone was even bustier than her. Kakashi had tears of pride in his eyes for his sensei's son bagging such a catch. Sakura, well the she-bitch was in denial. Most of the villagers were just pissed that the 'demon'(haha close!) had gotten such a beautiful wife, several of whom where planning on trying to help her 'see the light'(ya, have fun you suicidal morons).

Everybody had reactions like one of these except for one, Hinata.

When she saw that Naruto had come back better than ever she was overjoyed, thanking god(different god, same concept) that he was alright. When she heard that he had gotten married though, then she went a tad bit insane.

In her mentally unstable mind she made a vow to herself, 'I'll make sure that this whore who stole my Naruto dies. And then, me and him can have a big family together and love eachother forever.' All the while an insane and demented grin began working it's way onto her face, one that would fit well on the face of a certain demented clown.(1)

Naruto suddenly walked forward, making extra special care to make sure Sasuke hit his head on a rock. "Anyway," He paused to make his throne, thouroughly freaking everybody out. Morgana came over and sat in his lap, not feeling like making her own throne. "Listen to this, it's one hell of a story."

(Insert the entire story of THE DEMON NINJA AND THE NOLIFE QUEEN)

"And then we walked here until we reached the gates." He finished with a grin. The reactions he got weren't really unexpected.

Everybody looked at him like he was either A. God, which pissed him off, or B. Satan, which still pissed him off just not as much. "Alright, I know it's a lot to take in but enough with the weird looks." He paused to mutter to Morgana, "We get enough of those as-is." All she could do was nod.

Tsunade suddenly shook her head, "Alright Naruto first things first." She suddenly turned into the classic angry chibi, arms flailing and feet kicking, the whole thing. It was made even funnier by her shouting, "STOP MAKING MY LIFE MORE INSANE THAN IT ALREADY IS! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO LIVE WITH THE CRAP YOU PUT ME THROUGH ON A DAILY BASIS!?"

Naruto grinned and, mentally telling Morgana to cover her ears, shouted about three times louder, making Tsunade's hair blow in the artificial wind he was making, "YA,  
I DO AND IT'S FUCKING HILARIOUS! I'M NEVER GONNA STOP BUT IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER I'M DOING THE SAME TO JIYRAYA."

An anbu suddenly walked over, "Lady Hokage, not to be a bother but it's late and we all want to get home as soon as possible so can we please get on with this?"

Tsunade, after looking in a few different directions finally turned to the anbu, "WHAT DID YOU SAY!? MY EARS ARE RINGING!"

Naruto decided to 'help', "HE SAID YOU SHOULD HURRY YOUR ASS UP AND LET THEM ALL GO HOME!"

Tsunade apparently took that as literily what he said and proceeded to deck the guy across the village.

Naruto quickly realised his 'mistake', "THAT WAS A SUMMED UP VERSION OF WHAT HE SAID!"

Tsunade suddenly looked sheepishand motioned for another anbu to come over, who did so while shaking in fear of getting smashed himself, not the fun kinda smashed either the really crappy kind.

When he got there Tsunade leaned in and tried to whisper but still ended up yelling, "GET THAT GUY OUTTA THE MONUMENT AND GIVE HIM A RAISE!"

Naruto, despite enjoying the entire thing to an insane degree, shouted, "YOU CAN HEAL YOUR EARS YOU KNOW! YOU DO HAVE THE MEDICAL KNOWLEDGE TO DO IT YOURSELF!"

Tsunade suddenly stopped and face-palmed. A few seconds later she turned to the monster couple, "Now that all of that's done and over with why don't we all go home and go to bed...or coffin or whatever you two sleep in."

Morgana stepped down from the thrown, "We sleep in a coffin. It's a lot more confertable then you people give it credit for."

Naruto piped up, "She's right. I wasa bit reluctant at first but it's pretty damn good."

Morgana resumed talking, this time to Naruto, "Although soon we're gonna have to make another smaller one."

This caused everybody to freeze, even while Naruto kept talking, "Hey, there's no reason our kid can't share our coffin with us for a little while. I'm not saying it doesn't need to be done but it isn't our top priority for the moment, the coffins big enough."

Morgana thought about it and nodded with a smile on her face.

Tsunade suddenly shouted while pointing a finger, "WHY ARE YOU TWO TALKING ABOUT KIDS THIS EARLY IN YOUR MARRIAGE!?"

Naruto looked at her like she was senile, "Cause it's an important thing to talk about when your wife is four months pregnant."

Tsunade just shook her head after staring at him for a few minutes, "You know what, I just don't care anymore. Just go home."

Naruto grinned, "Alright but quick question, is anyone using the half of the forest of death farthest away from the village?"

Tsunade looked confused, "No, why?"

Naruto just mentally called the castle.

Tsunade looked like a purple alien just shot out of the ground and started break danceing(picture that, will you). Slowly she turned around and began walking home,  
completly confused and wondering if this was just some messed up dream.

Everybody followed the Hokage's example and went home, Naruto and Morgana included.

...  
...

1. Before any of you get bent outta shape, her craziness and insanity will last a while but not forever.

I know this was a bit short but it was mostly just to get the ball rolling.

One more thing, I know that they accepted it pretty fast but he still looks a lot like himself, just and older, taller and silverhaired version. And he's known for doing crazy shit, this just happens to be the craziest.

Also, on another note, people asked me a lot in the previous fic so I'll let you know now, this will never be a harem fic. I've got nothing against them and read them fairly often myself but I just don't want to have Naruto with multiple women. 


	2. DEALING WITH THE COUNCIL AND A BRAT

Alright, I really don't have many significant things to say so I'll start the story.

I don't own anything.

Also someone asked me recently on who would win in a fight between James Heller or Alucard. The answer would all depend on whether or not James can absorb Alucard's souls. They're already mentally broken and they are kinda flesh so it would be possible, it wouldn't definatly happen but if it did then James would win, otherwise Alucard would clean house.

Another thing, someone mentioned that I killed Sasuke in NOLIFE QUEEN. Ya, and I just prevented his death, Sasuke didn't play a big enough part in any event for the sudden dissapearance of his corpse to matter. I want to be able to screw with him a bit.

One other thing, totally unrelated to anything else I've said, why do so many writers over-use the word "as"?

...

Naruto and Morgana were still laughing their asses off when they got to their coffin.

Naruto got control of himself just as they fell into their coffin. "I told you it was a good idea coming here. Now we get to mess with everybody that fucked with my life...and several others too for that matter. Just imagine the fun we'll have."

Morgana changed into her nightgown. "Yep, it'll be great, and that Tsunade woman, she seems nice." She grinned largely. "And fun to annoy."

Naruto just nodded with a chuckle. "She is, believe me. Some of the most entertaining things I've ever done was just to annoy her, even though she hasn't been here all that long."

Morgana had to here this. "Really? What are some of the things you've done?"

Naruto gave her a grin, "Ever wonder what would happen if you replaced bath salt with jell-o mix?" (1)

Morgana thought about it for a few seconds, the grin on her face growing and growing until she suddenly exploded into a fit of laughter.

Naruto couldn't keep the grin off his face. He loved hearing his wife laugh. It was always filled with a kind of gentle mischeif and sounded so full of life. An oxymoron if any considering they're both technically dead.

He wondered if she'd pulled any pranks of her own. "What about you? Did you mess with people when you were a kid?" He asked while lying down on his back and proping himself up on his elbows.

Morgana smiled at him. It would have looked innocent if she didn't make every one of her teeth canine teeth. "Well I did pull a few pranks on those who annoyed me. The old captain of the castle guard when I was growing up for one. He woke up with his bed in the middle of the town square and a pig under each arm. (HAHAHA, BACKWOODS PLAYBOY!)."

Naruto wiped away a fake tear while making it look like he was holding more back, "...I love you so much right now. If you weren't pregnant we would be going at it like there's no tomorrow."

Morgana grinned, "Why does my condition have anything to do with it? I can have sex even though I'm pregnant."

Naruto's smile reached his ears, "Ya I know, and believe me, it's very tempting. But the thing is" He motioned towards his crotch, "My dick is so big that I'm worried I'll hurt our kid."

Morgana just looked at him with a confused look on her face, "You know the weird thing is regardless of whether you're joking or not you're right."(2)

Naruto sighed, "I know, it's my gift and curse. But hey, it's far from the end of the world. I mean we can go at it for days in four or five months, and," He leaned in and lowered his voice, "We get to do it whenever we want for damn near ever."

Morgana was about to answer when suddenly a large yawn hit her, "Wow, that dimension trip must have taken a lot more out of me than I thought."

Naruto couldn't agree more, "Ya, I know what you mean, I'm beat. Let's get some sleep."

Morgana just nodded. They both put their heads down on their pillow and closed their eyes. The last thing Naruto felt before he fell asleep was Morgana cuddling up next to him, bringing a smile to his face.

...  
...

Both Morgana and Naruto were woken up by a knocking on their door. Naruto sat up yawning, "What is it!" He wasn't angry but they had some damn big doors so he needed to shout to be heard. He looked at his wife and saw she was trying to bury her head back in the pillow. When he saw that he couldn't help but chuckle a bit.

A vampire nervously opened the door and relaxed when he saw Naruto sitting up. Reason he was nervous? The last guy who barged into their queen's room without knocking was never heard from again, though the rumor is he can still be heard groaning in pain behind one of the walls. A real credit to Morgana's temper when you piss her off really.

The vampire was shaken from his thoughts by Naruto clearing his throat, "Excuse me my king(3), but there is someone with a white mask requesting your presence at a council meeting. Something about Sasuke Uchiha demanding answers and something about payback."

Morgana sat up quickly with a grin on her face, "Oh, this is gonna be fun. How are we gonna screw with the little bastard?"

Naruto thought about it for a second before grinning. He turned to the vampire still at the door, "Gather everybody and tell them to follow us to the meeting location.  
Tell them that when I want them to come into the chamber I'll whistle."

The vampire nodded and went to inform their forces. Naruto turned to Morgana with a grin, "So here's what I'm pretty sure is gonna happen. We go to the meeting and the clan council, the only ones with any common sense, will probably just be wondering whether or not we're going to hurt people. Not a problem telling them, they've always at least tried to be nice to me...or at least apithetic. Then there's the other half of the council civilian council will bitch and whine about me being...well me and with you being my wife, my pregnant wife at that. Although if memory serves he always tried to one-up me so he might try to order the council to 'give'", he exagerated the word with a hand gesture, "you to him after a trip to the hospitle to kill our kid.(4)"

Morgana began growling and put her hand on her stomach. She calmed down when Naruto put his hand over hers, "Don't worry, I'd sooner raze the entire continent to the ground than let them touch you." He dispelled the rest of her worries with a kiss to the forehead. "Now come on!" He shouted jumping out of their coffin. "Let's go fuck with their heads!"

Morgana couldn't help but laugh a little. As serious as he was with his threats and reasurances, he wouldn't really be Naruto if he didn't joke around as often as possible. She got up and changed into her suit. "Well, let's get to that meeting so we can get it over with and get our breakfast."

They both phased through the floor and, upon reaching the bottom, saw every resident of their castle ready to leave.

Morgana walked over, "Alright, we're all going to a council meeting. No matter what you may hear through those doors I don't want any of you to enter the room. Whether they insult or threaten me or Naruto, unless you are ordered to by either of us, do not enter. Let's go!"

With that said she took off, Naruto quickly catching up and the rest of them about a mile and a half behind, which for them takes about ten seconds to move through so,  
not a big deal.

...  
...

When they got to the council chambers Naruto turned around, "Remember, unless we call you, do not come inside."

When he saw everybody nod he looked at his wife who nodded and they both phased through the door.

One look on the inside and you could see it was just pure chaos. The civilian council had apparently pissed off the shinobi council and they were paying for it.

Hiashi was using jyuuken on every male civilian's crotch, quickly turning their voices to a pitch that just made Tsume angry, propably one of the many reasons she was in the process of shoving twelve live chickens down Sakuya Haruno's throat. Inochi was using his family jutsus to make ten council members stand face to face in pairs of two and kick each other in the balls. Shikaku was having a blast making fifteen council members do the chicken dance, only they were so close to each other that they've hit each other in the chin so many times that several of them were losing teeth.

Choza was using a lesser known Akamichi clan move on thirteen other council members. It was called SONIC BELCH JUTSU, it involved massive force being ejected from the mouth in an air wave and the smell of whatever is in your stomach, which doesn't sound bad but when a small amount of chakra is added it makes the food in your stomach smell like it's been rotten for three year...he used half his chakra in the jutsu though.

Asuma, who took over for his father as head of the Sarutobi clan when he was made Hokage, was enjoying himself by using his wind and fire jutsu together on another twenty civilians, lighting their asses on fire and keeping them lit, one more actually caught his own hair on fire...somehow. Shibi had somehow managed to get huge amounts of fire ants to bite thirty council members in some very...unpleasant places.(read: their ass and their dick or pussy)

Kakashi, having to fill in for Sasuke because the moron knew nothing about politics and refused to learn, was using his sharingan to make all the remaining council members open the window nearest to them and scream out their deepest, darkest secrets...and several of them are as follows-

"I still love Barney!"

"I sleep with my snuggle me elmo!"

"I still wet the bed!"

"I'm scared of wood!"

"I like having sex with old ladies!"

At that point everybody stopped and looked at the guy, even those that where getting tortued. The council member was silent for a second before he dove out the right out the window...into a dumpster...right next to the daycare center...directly after changing time.

All thoughout all of this Naruto and Morgana stood there, there lips trembling with barely contained laughter and tears of mirth barely kept back. When the guy jumped out the window they couldn't hold it in anymore. They burst out laughing, tears of red and silver cascading down their faces. They laughed so hard they collapsed.

Naruto turned into his four-legged werewolf form(ya, I'm giving him the option of you weren't already aware of that) to breathe better. Morgana wasn't able to do that so she just leaned against Naruto and laughed her undead heart out.

After a good ten minutes of laughing they finally got themselves under control enough to clear their throats, bringing attention to them. Suddenly all of the clan heads were back in their seats but everybody had to wait for the civilians to limp back into place.

Naruto, having turned back into his human form but still grinning like a madman from that little display, spoke up, "Alright, as funny as that was we are still here for a reason."

Tsunade, who, along with her advisers had just watched the civilian council get attacked because they were annoying as fuck, spoke up, "Yes, Sasuke Uchiha is pressing charges against you stateing that you used excessive force when bringing him back to the village, nearly killing him."

Naruto heard footsteps and turned to the elders to see Sasuke walk out from behind them with a smug look on his face, like he'd already won...jackass.

Tsunade started talking again, "He is stating that you used the Kyuubi's chakra against him while his mind was clouded by the cursed seal influence. He's also stated what he wants as compensation."

Sasuke walked up with a smug grin, "That's right loser, I want all of your weapons, your castle, the loyalty of your forces, turn me into whatever you are, and I want that big boobed bitch of your's. I know she's strong, and once we get that demon spawn out of her I'll screw her twenty-four seven until she's pregnant again. The Uchiha clan will prosper greatly with her power added to my clan."

Naruto was about to retort when a raised hand from Morgana stopped him. She started speaking, "There are several problems with you short sighted and moronic plan. One,  
all of Naruto's weapons are linked to him on a near spiritual level, they will always be his. Two, the castle belongs to both him and I and ownership can not be changed. Three, Naruto and I areking and queen of our castle and our forces by extension being as how they live there and their own loyalty at that. Four, Neither Naruto or I will stand for any of you idiots-" She paused and pointed at the civilians and elders while looking at the clan heads, "Talking about them, not you." She resumed her origional position, "-trying to undermine our own thoughts on the matter or the fact that we're already married. Five, I'd sooner eat you than have relations with you, ya pansy-ass little inch-dick."

Before Sasuke could resond a window was broken and in jumped who else but the self-proclaimed super-pervert. Then the idiot starts screaming, "THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S LORD JIRAIYA! sAGE OF THE TOADS! KEEPER OF THE GREATEST SPY NETWORK EVER! AUTHOR OF THE GREATEST BOOK SERIES EVER WRITTEN! I MAKE CHILDREN CRY WITH WONDER! I MAKE ALL WOMEN WEAK IN THE KNEES! I MAKE ALL MEN ENVIOUS JUST BY WALKING PAST THEM! I AM THE GREATEST! I-SHUT UP!" He was quickly cut off via Tsunades chair to the mouth...did I mention that this chair was made of stone...stone that was until recently carved into the damn floor...and that swung it like a baseball bat?

He recovered quickly, as always, the fuckin magician that he is, and was about to retort when he spotted Morgana behind Tsunade. It was also the first time he shoved Tsunade out of the way. HE SIMPLY HAD TO KNOW WHO THIS BUSTY BEAUTY WAS! AND GET HER TO MODEL FOR HIS BOOKS BY ANY MEANS NECCESSARY! He was going to be very dissapointed.

When he reached her he tried to make like he was going to shake her hand but the only thing his hands would do was go into a groping motion. "And who would you be? My name is Lord Jiraiya. Would you be willing to maybe have dinner with me some time? Maybe model for one of my books? They've been called works of art you know."

Morgana was about to stop the perv, maybe eat one of his hands just to shut him up when suddenly Naruto's spoke up, "She can't. My wife and I will be doing something together that night and it doesn't involve you."

Morgana looked at Naruto and decided to let him handle it. She could have delt with this idea a thousand times over but she liked it when Naruto kicked the crap out of perverts for her. It made her feel special, like a priceless gem that only the person she cared for most got to touch.

Jiraiya couldn't believe this! Nobody could possibly score with a woman like this but him. He turned around to call the liar out when he was suddenly lifted off his feet by a hand around his throat. He looked into the golden, rage filled eyes of the hands owner only for him to snarl at him like an angry animal, "AND IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT TRYING ANYTHING WITH MY WIFE INVOLVING YOUR BOOK, EVEN JUST USING HER FIGURE, OR WATCHING US WHEN WE'RE ALONE, THEN I WILL TIE BOTH YOUR INTESTINES IN A KNOT THROUGH YOUR NOSTRILES! AM I CLEAR!"

For the very first time Jiraiya decided that he wouldn't spy on this man's wife, even if she was the hottest piece of ass he'd ever seen. With a rapid, frightened shake of his head he was thrown threw the ceiling...and the next one...and the next...and the next...CRASH...and there goes the roof. Kakashi shook his head in dissapointment. Partly because Jiraiya was a bit disgraceful at times and partly because this meant there was no way for Naruto's sexy wife to ever bein one of the Icha Icha books. Tears began running down his face.

Naruto looked at Morgana with a grin, "Alright then, I think we've made our point, let's go get some breakfast."

Sasuke suddenly spoke up, "WAIT! YOU CAN'T LEAVE UNTIL I GET WHAT I WANT!

Naruto looked at Sasuke with a sneer, "Spoken like a true spoiled brat. Throwing a tantrum and yelling when you don't get what you want." He turned to Morgana, "Our kid is gonna get everything he could ever want or need but we are also going have several limits so he or she doesn't turn out like Ducky the buttfuck over there. If that means we have to lay down the law at times, then so be it."

Morgana, after thinking about what it would be like to have a child like Sasuke, shuddered in disgust, "Agreed, as long as it's not too bad."

Naruto nodded his head, "I don't mean terrible, but escalating as he or she gets older, like newborn to four they get told no, five to ten a spanking or get sent to their room, eleven to eighteen they get their favorite thing or things taken away for however long we decide. After that he's free to stay or go if he likes."

Morgana looked at Naruto with a soft but amused smile, "You've really thought this out, haven't you? Sounds like we've got our punishment system worked out already."

Naruto smiled, "YEP, now then," he started walking to the door, "let's get underground, there's a lot of people down there doing who knows what. That's breakfast." He was almost through the door before he turned around, "Oh, and Grandma Tsunade, just send all prisoners sentanced to death to our castle, wouldn't want us getting hungry and attacking civilians, right." The evil chuckle at the end showed he didn't care either way.

Tsunade nodded, "Alright but can you leave some of those people underground alive so we can find out what they're doing?"

Naruto turned to her with a grin, "Can you give me puff the magic dragon?(5)"

Tsunade, clearly confused, shook her head no.

Naruto turned his teeth into daggers while he smiled, "There's your answer." With that he walked out the door.

No one noticed that Danzo had left when Naruto mentioned the people underground.

...  
...

Alright, I stopped here because the computer I have is...well it's basically a step away from coughing up smoke so I think it's gonna die any day and I figured a short chapter is better than no chapter.

1. I've done this before, and it was one of the funniest pranks I've ever pulled.

2. Ya gotta respect and pity the guy who cock-blocks himself for a good reason.

3. The vampires that got brought along are from the fifteen hundreds, they talk in an old fashioned way mostly but that'll get better in time.

4. Nothing really relating to the story but I like to put my opinions down here sometimes and this time it's about the whole abortion debate that's still going on since that was what Naruto was talking about for those of you who didn't catch it. I think that Abortion laws should be strickter but not to the point everybody that is against abortion want. I think that in the event that something unfortunate happened like a rape then ya, abortion should be an option. Now if a woman just did something stupid of her own accord then that's all on her and she should have to deal with it.

5. First person to guess the three things this means the most will get to control one thing one time about this story. LET THE GAMES BEGIN! :) 


	3. answers to your questions

Alright so I was right, my computer broke in the worst way bar exploding...actually if it was gonna go anyway I wish it had gone that way. Anyway, I'm on the school computer right now because I've gotten two questions, one has come up a lot and the other I feel would answer a few unasked questions.

The first question that came up a lot was "Why does Morgana like being treated, as you put it yourself, like a jewel? She can obviously take care of herself." The answer to that is that it's not so much the fact that Naruto defends her every chance he gets, it's the fact that Morgana has only ever had lust directed at her. Naruto doesn't want her just for her body, he loves her so he hates it when she's unconfertable, like when morons are drooling after her. Also it's because she has pretty much taken care of herself over the years. She likes the fact someone else is taking it upon themselves to defend her honor which, considering she was born in the 1400's, is a big deal to her.

The other question was why does every story I write have some character turned female. The answer is actually because it's the biggest change you can possibly make baring completely mangling the story. I like it when stories make a major change like that without completely leaving canon. The exact same thing would be boring mind you but changing a characters gender will, realistically, change at least a quarter of the person's personality.

Anyway, I'll take this down when I finally manage to get the next chapter written. 


End file.
